You Want What I Have

Pastor Mike

There is little I like to talk about other than myself.  The ladies flock to me, my teen girls bible study are always at my feet, studying.  When I speak people quiver.  But it really isn't my fantastic looks, nor my stylish clothing.  Sure, I wear the best cologne, but even that isn't why I am so popular.  Want to know how I do it?

MY MINIONS

Each of my congregants are special to me.  Frankly, without them I couldn't live a wonderful lifestyle.  I think of it as more of a reward for being one of God's favorite.  On the other hand, without me my congregation would be lost and headed straight to the pit of hell.  Let's just admit this and get it out right off the bat; Satan is getting way more souls than he needs to.  Every christian denomination is keeping the gates of hell well crowded.  To think that all the Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, and Catholics have premier access and front row seating for the eternal fire, but most christian denominations have to wait in line?  What's up with that?

YOUR FATE

Think about this for a minute: God loves you and all his creation so much, that he has allowed a select few to accept a very narrow, very exclusive free gift.  With that offer of love, you'd have to wonder why more people don't accept it before being vomited out of that same loving God's mouth into a burning, molten, pit of lava where you will never, ever be fully consumed.  In essence, thousands upon millions upon billions of years would pass and God will continue to let you burn.  

If that doesn't reveal the amount of love God has for you, nothing does!

Despite this "hell" having no basis in the Old Testament, nor any implication that God would torture his creation like that, we have to turn to the New Testament and other added letters and doctrines.  Nothing speaks truth more than taking the word from our great founding fathers of our faith!
It is this succession of wondrous apostles, bishops, deacons, and elders that I get my anointing.  So, when I tell you to leave that flea-bag so-called church you attend and come to mine, I mean it.  You can't possibly be saved in that heathenish place. Besides, I'm much better to look at, especially when I am pouring sweat and tear my shirt off like Hulk Hogan.  Man, I get so angry at the devil, that I often challenge him to a match right there in front of the pulpit.  HE NEVER SHOWS UP!

SATAN

You see, the devil fears me.  He runs scared.  He ain't got nothin' on this anointed, fire baptized, tongue talking preacher.  When you become a Gold Level™ Tither to my ministry we are able to provide you with the certificate you need to be sure of your salvation.  All membership details are covered at our stellar world wide web ministry website at www.freefromcults.com.
Join me and my ministry team and help us defeat old Lucifer today!